Neighbors

I can see the homes across the cul-de-sac from the window in our water closet (yes, we have shutters to close so the entire neighborhood does not see us "do our business"). One of the homes has new occupants from a southern state. I have watched their progress in moving in over the last week, especially at night when Mom Nature calls. These folks are up at all hours of the night moving stuff and getting settled. I have yet to introduce myself, though have every intention of doing so when I get a free moment. It's important in this day and time to really, REALLY know your neighbors, whether you like them or not.

When we moved into our home, I was 5 months pregnant. Our home is situated on a small cul-de-sac with only three homes on it. So, it's really not like a cul-de-sac, but more like a huge circular drive. Both my neighbors came over to introduce themselves, and I'm thankful they did. Though no real friendships developed, I know enough about them and their children to keep an eye out for odd goings on and determine if anyone needs help. I also know enough to determine that there is a feud going on between the two households, and I certainly don't want to get in the middle of that. After these folks came to introduce themselves, we did not see hide nor hair of anyone else until my baby was 6 months old, at which time one of the mother's in the neighborhood walked over to invite my and my child to playgroup each week. We attended playgroup a few times, but found that most of the children were significantly older than my child. I also found that I just didn't really connect on a personal level with some of the moms. This was the beginning of my education about our neighbors. I found there is an air of entitlement to some of these moms, and that to sit around and bitch about your husband is the norm. I also found that there was much talk about whose house sold for what and whether the new neighbors would be worth getting to know. Ever present is the flash of new cars, big houses, interior decorating, the right clothes, hair salon, and makeup...but none of this is real. Not only is it bought on loan from the bank, but it also doesn't allow the true person to shine through.

I soon figured out our neighborhood was divided into three groups: those who keep to themselves, those who have been here since the neighborhood was developed (the old neighbors), and those that have recently moved in (the new neighbors). The old neighbors have this thing about keeping a tightly knit circle, and not really letting the "newbies" into the circle unless you pass certain criteria. We automatically have strikes against because we are psychologists, and NO ONE feels comfortable around psychologists. We are frequently asked if we are analyzing someone, to which we typically reply "no, not unless you're paying our hourly fee and sitting in our office." This throws people off and they seem to get offended. But seriously, it's like asking a gynecologist at a party to diagnose symptoms of an STD. So, we are shunned for that. The second strike we have is that Mr. Landlord has a collection of guns and bows and arrows he hunts with. Yes, they are kept in a rather large gun safe in the garage, but it is apparently attractive to the neighborhood boys. The boys next door found out what was in that safe and you could see their eyes literally light up. Their mother was horrified, and said so when I knocked on her door to explain all guns and the like were kept safely locked up and her boys would never have the pleasure of looking at them. Of couse, several weeks later I see her 13-year-old son going off into the greenbelt with a BB gun. Yet, we are shunned because my husband likes to hunt and maintains the appropriate mechanisms to engage in this hobby. Oh, and did I mention we live in a state where hunting is a HUGE activity???? We obviously have not figured out what the criteria is to be "allowed" into the clicque, however I am not sure I want to figure this out. Our exclusion tells us enough about the old neighbors. I have finally figured out I don't need any more external validation for my perception. Quite frankly, if often feels like I've never left high school...at what point do people actually grow up?

Now, having said all of this...I typically introduce myself to new neighbors and aprise them of the great things our neighborhood has to offer. We offer several yearly events including wine tastings, beer tastings and chili cookoffs, July 4th and Halloween parades, etc. etc. I also coordinate help for those neighbors who need the help. For example, of someone has surgery or has a new baby, I coordinate a group of people to take turns cooking for the family, making sure the kids get to and from school/activities, or just doing the family shopping. Many folks in our neighborhood do not have family nearby, and it is incredibly difficult here to find a nanny or babysitter that is worth their weight in gold. So, to have neighbors to help fill in when the time comes is so important.

I can only hope that my actions in our neighborhood help those who refuse to open their homes and hearts to new neighbors see that they are missing out on enriching and fulfilling experiences, and the chance to make some really great friends. So, I will continue to watch the neighborhood from my water closet window and learn everyday about human nature and the importance of good neighbors.